sports

This is not a love-song (to 2025).

~ bowlingatvincent ~ Leave a comment

It may be the fabbest day of the year – it’s certainly the last. Blazing sunshine. Cows getting frisky coz of that distant, overdue tractor. Hard, hard frost. Crows.

Up earlyish to take son to the train. Scoot round Lidls sharpish, before the Party Animals pile in to charge their trolleys with fruity beer and cheesy wotsits. Home to stack my own medium-frugal stash and sweep out the fire. Then quiet. And time.

The things in my head are clamouring to get away from the front of the queue. Some are too angry and obvious; some too sporty and technical. Nobody will read so this may assuage the selection of material but also maybe not? You guys *really are irrelevant* to The Flow. I’m ‘standing outside’. Outside in some weird, lush, white-but-verdant farmyard where the beat don’t stop. With the pheasant, the finches, the cows. Only I can hear them – not you.

Sure I have to think a bit about the turning of the year and what I’ll do tonight but: have food; have a little booze; have every confidence I could go to three different places or none. The choice, as always, is drink or drive – or would be if I wasn’t driving. And daughter; daughter is a factor.

So the usual, genuinely serene contentment and the option for off-screen social interaction. (Remember that?) For now, stare at the screen and let the thoughts come.

Recent and brutal and hard-to-avoid, for any kindof writer, for any kind of human. Timelines that are relentlessly Gaza and Trump and the kind of impossible evils that should drive our righteous furies. Genocides – one flaunted, one gone missing – that a staggering and shameful number of our alleged leaders either conciliate or contribute towards. Why aren’t we (The West? The East, The North, The South?) doing stuff?!? Why no tanks circling Netanfuckingyahu? Never mind the boycotts and the diplomatic niceties, why aren’t we threatening the machinery of the Israeli state with the kind of evisceration they’ve inflicted on the Palestinians? Plainly it would be righteous!*

*Yeh yeh, I know. It couldn’t happen with Trump in the White House and Starmer in the kennel. But however irresponsible my anger on this, I have a point, yes? The Provocation is not without meaning. And it’s This Year’s Story – again. Gaza is a genocide in plain sight. Trump’s part in it is vile and inhuman – driven by both prejudice and bottomless greed. Netanyahu should be in jail, at best. Starmer is an accomplice. If there were decent and progressive administrations in place in Washington and London, even mighty Israel could have been forced to withdraw, or face meaningful consequences. Instead, the fact and the idea of International Law is crushed.*

This ‘backdrop’ is inescapable, or should be. But because I’m as feeble as you are, I retreat into sport and books and walks. And the fucking internet.

Last night, MU again. And rinse and repeat. Amorim kinda worthy but still lost in that programme of over-coaching and unconvincing ‘changes’. Previous game: the team is woeful but ahead; make defensive changes. Last night – against a historically abject Wolves – make more ‘proactive’ decisions to bring creativity and shore-up the side. (Wolves were palpably the better footballing side, for much of the game). Everything fails. Manchester United look less of a unit, less purposeful, less convincing, after the Bright Young Things (making debuts or injecting The Fearlessness Of Youth) look as shot of confidence and ideas as those who started.

Yes this team has somehow climbed the table. And yes Mount (again briefly) and Fernandes had looked like potential Manchester United players and partners… but who else? Dorgu is so utterly mediocre it’s almost funny. Dalot has disappeared. Zirkzee is probs a Div 1 player. Casemiro is ‘seasoned’ but should be nowhere near the line-up. Amad is majoring in that flatter-to-deceive malarkey, producing almost nothing. Mbeumo *has something* but has been poor of late. Cunha could play in a legit side but was awful last night. Mainoo ‘didn’t fit the system’ and/or his face didn’t fit, when he plainly should have been a banker.

Week after week, month after month, performances are garbage – even whilst stumbling up the league. The fans understandably jeered the team off, after last night’s further embarrassment. The black hole is still calling, sucking the lads in, whilst eight coaches frantically wave their ipads.

Wolves were themselves repeatedly shocking in front of goal; otherwise the home keeper (who has done okay, to be fair) might easily have conceded five. Gary Neville waxed lyrical about Heaven, three or four days ago but neither he nor Yoro convince me. And out wide they have been unforgivably weak at closing down crosses: just one mind-blowing flaw amongst many, meaning United *really do* always look like they will concede.

It’s true that injuries are hurting the club at the moment. A central defensive three of De Ligt, Maguire and Martinez might sort some of those frailties. Perhaps with Dalot and Shaw on the flanks. But almost endlessly there is the feeling that *on the pitch* Amorim has diabolical players and no answers – even when making his now characteristic and theoretically dynamic changes. Astonishingly, Manchester United appear to need another mass clearout. Whether ditching Amorim will be part of that next upheaval, who knows? But his face and his pressers indicate that this gaffer is honest enough to know that he’s made no real improvements.

The Cricket. Some of you may know that I have worked in cricket for many years and that I have kinda specialised in women’s cricket (I say that ver-r-y loosely) for about a decade and have therefore written comparatively little, in recent times, about England men. This is partly because I could be in bother if I wrote widely and fully.

McCullum allegedly hates the term Bazball but as the universe turns against him it feels fair enough to use it. Perhaps we should describe it; what it means, what its implications are, as we understand them?

There are some good things – some profoundly good things – perhaps especially this notion that performers should be liberated. That maybe this should be a right, as well as an essential component of the development towards excellence. Players *really should* ‘go out there and express themselves’. That’s an undeniable truth, surely?

Well no. It’s a simplification that has a lot of truth in it. The job of the coach is multi-faceted but maybe it starts with this thing ‘environment’. Build an environment which is actually kinda lovely: supportive; inspiring, hopefully; challenging-but-fun. Probably don’t over-complicate it but do make it clear that there are disciplines and even responsibilities in play as well as fabulous freedoms. Games are complex even when we reduce them to simple notions or aspirations. We need game intelligence.

But hang on, for factoidal counter-thrust.

Many of us have likely underestimated both McCullum and Stokes in terms of their intelligence. It may be the case that despite the obvious laddishness around the England camp, and the entirely reasonable assumption that this has *informed*, even directed the playing approach, more measured conversations than we imagine may have taken place. The machismo that we believe to have been at the centre of the running towards danger *may* have been tempered by notes on the particular demands of Test cricket. Or not.

For what it’s worth, I think largely not – or not enough. I suspect (and I may be wrong) that Brook has been encouraged to ‘play his natural game’ right to the end. Probably by McCullum himself. Bazza probably believes in no compromise. Believes that positivity can’t really work unless it’s utterly unweighted. And in any case this is only a game. There is an imperative to entertain.

Hard to argue with that. Other than to again fall back into those complexities. Test cricket being a test over time; batting collapses being of their essence a theoretical nonsense – one wicket should have no bearing on the next – and yet they happen, as a function of wonderfully unknowable stuff, including psychological as well as technical processes. (So mitigate or re-gather against falling in a heap: that, after all, is one of the challenges. Respect the opposition and the format).

The signal failure of Bazball is of course the resources, timespan and the realignment of the wider game around these Ashes. Shocking, soulless ill-judgement and wastefulness. For many of us that feels like a con-job and yet not a surprise. Embarrassing, dumb and disrespectful. Like seeing Brook charge to play tennis or baseball shots at the great bowlers of the age. All very 2025.

Priest in the Tempest.

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It had everything, including the tempest. Apparently the seas – well, Humber – got so wild that codling were being hurled into the stadium. The roof of the ancient Main Stand almost collapsed, not just because of the massed excitement but because of the weight of the krill. The lad Mbeumo had to fiddle a flattie from under his shirt before taking *that pen*: hence the miss.

Ah yess, the Grimbo-jokes. The howling gale of back-handed compliments and faintly feeble headlines, from media owned by Southern Softies and/or far-flung moguls. ‘Town batter United!’ ‘Shoal of the Century! The analytical consensus that ‘Amorim is drowning not waving!’ Marvellous.

The truth is that Grimsby Town outplayed Manchester United, in the first half. They had a strong case for a third goal, before United gathered at all – ruled out: no VAR. Yes, absolutely true that in the monsoon, the Mariners did lose their composure. Have no doubt that the apparently unfeasibly calm David Artell would have been inwardly raging at the way in which possession was repeatedly thrown away, in the second period. But perhaps it’s forgivable that messrs Fernandes and Mbeumo – amongst other key introductions – *did* turn the thing around. They do, despite the awful mess United are in, have some quality.

Vernam’s outstanding team goal lit the proverbial fuse on a night when many of my favourite people were in the stands, belting out the home anthems. (Yess. Am Grimsby – despite now being not unfairly described by those in the borough as Plastic Taff. And yess, grandfather played for both teams. So this is all rather huge. I know those streets and those stands).

The ground is wonderfully (largely) from another age; as seen on TV. The staff *really are* all about embedding this club in the community, in a way that the majority of club-owning scheisters and stockbrokers simply don’t understand. They can ‘project their visions’ all they want. Blundell Park ain’t perfect (and neither are the Team Leaders) but something very real has always lurked there. Jason Stockwood does appear to know that corporatism is the death of sport and of truth itself. Grimsby are Grimsby: they do deserve this kind of night.

So forty-five minutes in dreamland, with McEachran – who has quality – strolling around, and Artell’s side looking shapely and intelligent. Control of the game. A goal that might have been disallowed for handball (possibly?) and then Gardner’s borderline effort ruled-out. United all over the place – not just being ‘out-battled,’ that wouldn’t do justice to Town.

Half-time comes and Amorim implements the necessary cull. Fredericson patently had to go but half the team must’ve been a-wondering. Including Onana. The rain turns biblical and we Town fans think this might be just what we need – an absolute lottery! But in truth, both because of the influx of talent and intent and Grimsby’s understandable wastefulness with the limited possession they have, Manchester get back in it. Maguire is always on that figure-of-fun/Major Leader interface but notably he brought it – commendable spirit, I mean – and the reds fans had something to shout about. Then those pens.

I generally turn penalties off; no matter what the occasion. I watched these. We could throw descriptors like biblical and epic and humbling and heart-warming in there. Even neutrals might be doing some of that. I’m not neutral. I, erm, kinda follow both teams.

My socials went mad. The coverage has gone mad; because it’s Town, because it’s United. If there’s a consensus it’s that despite being a man of intelligence, integrity and purpose, Amorim is closer to the brink than he was pre the Trial At Blundell Park. Even those with active brain cells are saying that despite the carnage the man inherited, he is unable to make anything work and has to be accountable for that. Plainly, he is. The rest just want rid, being unable to see any complexity in this.

I think there is complexity. Take the case of Artell. When he came in (and on multiple occasions since then) he has felt like fella who can talk a good game. But not necessarily one you would follow or utterly believe in. He’s currently turning that perception around – with the players and support. Town have a pattern of play and a level of confidence. United, despite the talk of tactical drive, have neither.

We might talk dangerously in the abstract about character. We might be critical of the Premier League side on that, both last night and in general: everyone from Mainoo to Diallo to Cunha, perhaps? Would you want them in the trenches; never mind on a wet Wednesday at Blundell Park? Town’s players, from the outstanding Pym to the hearty Green and Rodgers, knew they had to bring some grit and determination (as a certain Mr Hansen might have said) to the proceedings. Because MU have better footballers. Therefore (we) work like hell.

Coaching is surely blending? Finding deeply and fabulously different qualities in different individuals and blending them together, whilst (in the modern era) feeding in bucketloads of stats and tactical info and beliefs. Ideally you want players with inviolable spirit and confidence but life ain’t like that. So blend and build. Amorim has work to do. We can no longer be clear that he has the time or the oomph to do it.

But those pens. Ridiculous and also pret-ty maarvellous that a whole cluster of League Two players held their nerve and slotted… almost endlessly. When the universe was screaming for it to end. Their composure in that moment is not all down to Artell, of course. But let’s give the man some credit for patrolling it with such evenness. Like a priest in the tempest. Fish all around him.

Fernandes finds it.

~ bowlingatvincent ~ Leave a comment

We expected a biblical thrashing and got a biblical lashing. Liverpool was drenched, and so were we, in the usual psychotic drama of the fixture. Exbloodyzausting.

Trent made all the arguments for his transfer to Real. Hojlund powerfully reasserted his cruel, honest capacity to be ordinary. Fernandes finally found almost everything he’s lost for what – two seasons? Zirkzee came on and right at The Death overhit a wee pass to Maguire that got clumped over the bar with the net not so much yawning as black-holing. It was all soaked in sleet and glory and misery and yes, exhaustion. The players looked knackered, too.

Generality and gravity and meaning itself get swallowed-up in this most bile-full of games but let’s have a thrash at some streaky factoids. United deserved at least a point, after a performance of real grit and some quality – or at least organisation and heart. Liverpool had only occasional lung-bursting thrusts: markedly less control and, astonishingly given *all the trends,* practically zilch in the way of dominance. MacAllister should have scored, and maybe Gravenberg, in the first twenty, but United played with commendable composure around the inevitable surges. When Martinez thumped the visitors ahead, it felt kinda logical, in this sopping madness.

Liverpool’s response was more scattergun than Slot would have wanted. Sure they found themselves ahead but for longish periods there were no meaningful or threatening phases of play and Alexander-Arnold’s flank was a disaster area. The Outrageously Gifted One had a mare, almost from start to finish, leaving most of us nodding sagely at the thought of his upcoming role as unmolested God-Quarterback at Real.

Dalot was skinning him at will, on one occasion delivering a fabulous teasing cross that Amad either simply misread or could not, in the downpour, adjust himself for. Either way it looked like the striker – who was almost entirely absent from the fixture, despite being United’s most dangerous outlet for weeks – falls into the Can’t Head it for the Life of Him category. Alongside most contemporary forwards, you might say.

Fernandes has been an infuriatingly infuriated individual most of his life. After starting like a world-beater at United he has been playing well below capacity for aeons. The poor love looks infuriated by that… and referees… and by the inadequacies of his team-mates. His discipline has been ragged, as has his ability to thread passes that he knows Bruno F should be making in his sleep. Today he found most of the stuff that’s been missing. He was almost towering.

Amorim will be genuinely disappointed his lads couldn’t quite engineer a startling win but he will be reassured, somewhat. This performance – for it was A Performance, finally – settles the doubts about a possible relegation battle. United are poor but not that poor. They can and will probably find the shape they need – Amorim’s shape – and scuff their way to about 12th, come the end of the campaign.

Talking of scuffs, Amad’s goal for two-all (before the truly excruciating extra-time) was no thing of beauty but sent the away fans into predictable, performative paroxysms of pent-up relief and medium-foul tribal delight. The lad had barely been involved but the same could have been said for Gakpo, who delivered a worldie-from-nowhere to send the home fans wild, after that uncharacteristically solid start, and opening goal, from United.

Salah’s penalty was yet another one of those where the defender – in this case De Ligt – has no intention of making contact with the ball with his instinctively (but yeh, ok, slightly weirdly) flailing hand. In Proper Football there is no way this is a pen. Here it always felt likely as soon as referred: (rule change, please).

So where does this leave us – apart from breathless? It’s a Big Point for Manchester United… but doesn’t mean progress will be swift or smooth. For Liverpool it points up the edginess of their thrilling urgency. Can they stay patient, as well as destroy people, with their post-Klopp rampage? MacAllister can.

Mega.

~ bowlingatvincent ~ Leave a comment

So the Make M U Great Again campaign can finally re-boot. Ar Erik is down the road.

Be honest, he should have gone more than a year ago – yes, a year! – because despite our civilising instinct towards giving a Good Man time, he has looked weak and woeful for an age.

Not his fault, entirely, that half of his players have let this once-mighty club down, or that Old Trafford itself is a whole lot less appetising, as a prospect, than it was ten years ago, but Ten Hag is complicit in that. The team has been a million miles off being competitive for United-level competitions for several seasons. Great players – some known, some not – must surely have turned down the (ahem) opportunity to go red, throughout that sorry period. At no stage has Ten Hag made a sustained case for meaningful improvement.

I have had sympathy for the fella. Bright, decent individual, or so it would seem, with an appropriate level of knowledge. Would interview well in the corporate environment- like so many. (And of course this is The or A Problem).

Making the right noises before a panel of impressionable, largely non-football people accounts for many of the new breed of sophisticates and tactical wizards now ensconced in the Prem. (And no, this is not at all a xenophobic argument). Us Footie Peeps know (because we feel it in our guts) who has the wherewithal to *actually manage* the #legends at Top Club A or B – particularly where languor or confidence-deficiency has set in.

It was clear within about twelve milliseconds that a) United needed a strongman – because of the existential and historical/emotional drift – and b) Ten Hag was not that guy. He could not capture or successfully cull. He could not meaningfully inspire, because he is not a man to follow. He could not ‘get top side’. In another environment, it might work. At Utd, no.

Sancho. Antony, Garnacho, Amad. Zirkzee, Hojlund, Rashford. Every one of them a notch down; either too weak or too wasteful or too needy to contribute consistently to the required standard. All of them in their admittedly different ways crying out for good management. (Meaning they either need a relentless, life-changing bollocking or sustained, committed, authentic support). Ten Hag could execute neither. He chose badly, failed to lead and/or failed to find the blend. From early in his tenure all this was obvious (to Football People).

Sancho is A Talent- quite probably of the classically arrogant and delusional about his own importance sub-type. His habits may have been bad. It took a lifetime for his soap opera to be concluded. Ditto the intermittently fabulous Rashford. An uneasy non-peaceful fug settled over that relationship, too – it goes on, when it should have been managed: resolved. Ten Hag sorted virtually nothing, when United needed either a big-hearted (Klopp-like?) force of nature or a fekking dictator. In consequence there has been no spirit – let alone Spirit of United. There has been no team pattern. There has been no grit.

Players are significantly culpable. Too many look and play like seventeen year-olds. Some – like Bruno – bring the required effort but cannot find a pass. Others are one-paced or far too lazy to close down sharply or track back with commitment. United are a pale shadow; have been for years. In virtually every way you can name, in every area of the park, they have been embarrassingly short and shockingly easy to play against.

Players culpable yes, but it’s up to the gaffer to build a resilient squad and demand or drive for elite quality and performance. Ten Hag may have found it impossible to attract (or drag) the very best players to Old Trafford since his appointment in April 2022 but he’s had enough moolah and still I think enough clout to assemble a strongish posse. Instead he has a pretty sorry mix. Maguire and Evans *playing together* in key matches? Zirkzee or Hojlund as your Main Striker? Van Nistelrooy they ain’t.

Manchester United have looked and played like a mid-table team for far too long. Accepted, some of that precipitous decline pre-dates the Dutchman’s arrival but he has patently lacked the authority or heft as a human animal to even begin to turn things around. Most onlookers feel most United players are waaay down on the quality and intensity that even their rivals understand as authentically M U.

Whilst having a wee dollop of sympathy for a man who has been serially let down by his charges, it’s surely widely recognised that Ten Hag had to go? (My regular reader will know I’ve been saying that for aeons). There was some almost inevitable prevarication post the arrival of the New Upstairs Regime but now we’re done. Out. Van Nistelrooy may have a chance: rather him than Southgate, for me. Let’s see.